head is just everywhere tonight, literally. cant decide how i feel or what to do. even talking to the one other person who is close to me isnt helping, i guess because they still have feelings, they cant see why im allowing myself to be hurt like this, but the truth is, i do it because i love him. but i cant be toyed with anymore, i cant be with him as him, whilst he plays helen with her. its not fair and its damaging me. but he doesnt seem to care. having cake and eating it? why am i with somene who is so damaging? :/